Unlucky

Sometimes, we have really bad days... bad weeks... and it feels like nothing is going right no matter how hard you try. 

Yup. That's me right now. 

I think I've hit the bottom in terms of how bad things can go this time around. 

This is my first semester without a UPass (special bus fare used by university students). This morning, I remembered that I am out of bus tickets, and so I went to 7/11 to purchase a new booklet of bus tickets. On my way home from school, I forgot to validate a bus ticket on the way down to the skytrain station from school (I usually enter from the back door of the bus with my UPass when it picks students up from campus). So as I was walking up the stairs to the skytrain platform, I remembered that I haven't validated a bus ticket yet. So I booked it back down to the machines to validate my ticket and as a result missed my train. I remember looking at my ticket, expiry time 6:00P, before putting it into my pocket.  When I finally got on to my train, I sat down and got all lost in my thoughts. It's been a terrible couple of weeks, and I was emotionally and physically drained. I was on my edge. So the train ride home, I was starting to feel better and that things are starting to look up. By the time I got back to Royal Oak Station, I was feeling good, finally. When I saw the cops in the stairwell checking validated tickets, I thought to myself, "Thank God, I went back down the stairs when I remembered that I needed to validate my ticket!!" I reached into my pocket, and my ticket wasn't there. I frantically searched every pocket on me, in my bag, etc. for my ticket but it was nowhere to be found. Cops were making jokes about how at the very least I got to meet the cop who was about to write me a ticket. How could they be so cruel to tease me, and say shit like "at least you get to meet this guy over here" and "oh, your last name is Law, you can't break the law" well FUCK YOU. Why can't people be more considerate, you guys are about to give me a ticket even though I didn't do anything wrong, and I'm standing there freaking out about finding my bus fare. So I kinda lost it, crumpled down on the floor at the skytrain station and bawled. 

Of ALL days. UGH!

The fight for Marriage Equality

The world went Red.

With the Supreme Court hearings on gay marriage starting today in Washington, D.C. the social media world has come together to show solidarity using his red image.

Now how does that impact a young Catholic like me? Well at first, I didn't know how to react. On one hand, I just finished my Theology of the Body course and started to fully understand the Catholic Church's position on same-sex marriages, but at the same time I also believe in equal rights and consider myself an ally to the LGBTQ community.

However, I realize that I don't need to pick a side. I believe in both the Catholic church's teachings AND equal rights for everyone! How is that possible? I'll try my best to explain, while it is extremely clear in my head, I am not the most articulate and there are lots of judgment, misunderstandings, preconceived notions that one must cut through in order to get to what I think to be the heart of the problem. I don't expect everyone to agree with me, but from where I stand here's what it is and why I think I can stand on both sides.

I think that the church and the society has had some miscommunication, and it is bound to happen when such a sensitive and emotional topic is at hand. I think what we are calling "marriage" has multiple senses and that the common sense and the theological sense of the term "marriage" has been fused together (by mistake) in the discussion on same-sex marriages.


First off, every couple should have equal rights as every other couples (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rights_and_responsibilities_of_marriages_in_the_United_States) whether their union is homosexual or heterosexual. After all, from my studies within the church, which I undertook in attempt to form better arguments against it, God created all of us as equals. Therefore, we should be fighting for the rights and responsibility that comes from marriage and two people of whatever gender should be allowed to marry in this sense. Why should one's love determine our legal rights and responsibilities as married persons?

On the side of the church, marriage is not directly related legal rights and responsibilities but rather it is the sacrament of matrimony or the "covenant by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life and which is ordered by its nature to the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring." Matrimony comes from the Latin term mater, "mother," and monium, "-mony" (status) and signifies the creation of the status of mother. So in this sense, only through marriage between a man and woman accepting children into their lives can fulfill the sacrament of matrimony. There are also many conditions for the sacrament of matrimony such as no other vocations that will get in the way of marriage (other marriages, holy order etc.), agreeing to accept children from God (using natural family planning instead of artificial forms of contraception), and so forth. Unknown to many, is that there are many marriages (gay and straight) that the Catholic church do not recognize as full sacraments of matrimony. And to clarify, contrary to popular belief, not getting a sacrament does not equal damnation. Sacraments are meant to bring God (grace) into ones heart and ones life, it's not by any means a "collect all your badges in order to get to heaven" kind of ordeal.

So we have
Marriage operationalized as a union with human rights
Marriage operationalized as a spiritual sacrament of matrimony for natural procreation 

I think that we all need to realize that while we speak the same language, we're not saying the same thing. Perhaps we need to calm down, take down those walls, communicate with each other without assuming that we're referring to the same things, listen and truly try to understand where the other side is coming from. Perhaps then, we will realize that we're more allies than we are enemies.

Then again, I might be all wrong, I might really have a shallow understanding of this issue, perhaps I don't fully understand this issue from both sides the way I think I do. I admit that and I'll own up to it. Perhaps I'm really naive to believe that this is a case of different operationalizations of a term. Please forgive me if this is the case, I will be more than happy to become more educated on both sides of this issue and hear out your perspective.

On social media, I'm choosing to not reflect my position on this issue to prevent confusion and unnecessary negative emotions from either side. However, I believe that when you come to know me, you will find that my position will be reflected in my actions, my words, and my heart the way it always has been. I believe this speaks way more than a red profile picture.


Much Love,
Keyne

Thoughts on Pope Francis

Dear Friends,

HABEMUS PAPAM FRANCISCUM!

 We have a new pope!

I must say, I have a really good feeling about Pope Francis. I've been reading up on this man and I'm definitely excited to see the changes he'll bring to the Catholic church. Now, in this day and age, an event of this caliber and a man of such great importance will not be without negativity and slander from the media and the internet. One of the biggest pieces the media is working with is Bergoglio's role in the "dirty war" from betraying priests to stealing babies. I'm in no way denying that Pope Francis have never done such terrible deeds, but at the same time why do we, as a society, love digging skeletons out of people's closets and make judgment on their character for something that happened decades ago?

 If you were placed in a difficult situation in the middle of the war, and you either die or you betray your friend what would you do? Of course, of course you would say that you would rather die than to betray your friend, and to live in guilt... right? Right now, I say, I would NEVER betray a friend in a situation like that... but my background in psychology also tells me that this is a common response, but when shit hits the fan (pardon my language) you and I are going to break and we'll betray each other for our own survival. Simple, it's human instinct. Recall the protagonist, Winston Smith, from "1984": not going to betray his lover, not going to... but once they stick him in Room 101 and rats are coming at his face... he breaks, "DO IT TO JULIA!" he screams.. and 2+2=5. Is this the right, moral thing to do? Probably not. We keep forgetting that we're all ONLY human. You and I are only human. The priests are only human. The pope is only human. The saints are only human. Our flesh is weak and worldly. So shit, we all sin, we all make mistakes, some more detrimental than others.

 I'm sure we've all heard the quote "The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall" or the less fancy version, "It's not about how you fall, it's how you get back up." I see shit tons of people pinning this quote on Pinterest to remind themselves that it's their perseverance and not their failures that matter and I think it's true. I try to remind myself of that every time I fuck up. Here's the thing, this quote, it's not just something we should use to defend our own self-perception and to make ourselves feel better about our own fuckups, it's something to keep in mind when we look at other people's fuckups as well. So come on people, give Pope Francis some credit. If this was something he did then yes, the Holy Father fucked up, but shit, the guy got back up and he made something of it (probably learned a shit ton that led him to being the humble pope we have today). If more people I knew got back up after they fucked up, learned something out of it, and never made the same mistake again... why, we'd be springing forward as a society like no tomorrow.

Love,
Keyne

PS. The above are all just personal opinions made without any accusatory or offensive intentions.
PPS. Sorry for all the swearing.

Flying South

A few more days and I'll be heading south for my interview! Excited and nervous at the same time.

Titles and Expertise

I always have trouble coming up with descriptions for "about me" sections.

I ended up signing up for this website "Quora" just to feed my curiosity about things and see what people have to say about various topics and I was prompted to write a description of myself that would identify me... I'm also guessing my expertise so when I answer questions people can decide how heavily they want to weigh my opinion.

Anyways, I always end up reading other people's descriptions to get some inspiration. From the few I read, it seems like people like to describe themselves using titles. I'm guessing part of it is because you are supposed to show your expertise on this website, but I started to feel weird. Do we need these titles in order to feel important and like our opinions matter? Some people like to use fancy words to describe themselves and what they like do but why do we need to do that? I guess sometimes fall into this trap too. As most people, who know me well, know, I love doing research in the area of clinical psychology... but does that mean that I need to label myself as a clinical researcher? I went to an arts school and I love to paint everything... but does that mean I need to label myself as an artist? I study psychology, but does that mean I need to label myself as a psychologist? I guess I'm uncomfortable with slapping these big labels and titles on little old me.

So what did I write in my description?

"student of life for life."

Multiple Regressions

I'm so glad I went on the SIS system to check the rooms for the tutorials I'm teaching when I did. Saw that the multiple regressions re-opened and registered right away! Although I had an overnight shift right before the first class, I was so pumped that I didn't need coffee to keep me awake. No exams, but the course assignments are applications of the course material onto our own research! That being said, I get to use my own data in the assignments! I was so excited after I read this on my syllabus that I started jotting down ideas right away as the prof talked about the types of analyses required for the assignment. I have a another one of manuscript ideas that I can get off the floor now! Super excited! Two birds, one stone!

Class dismissed!

The last tutorials of the semester were held this week. The feelings are bittersweet. Sweet in that Christmas is just around the corner, yet bitter because I realize that I'll never see my students as a class again. While some students came up to me and thanked me for all my help this semester, I also had students who left the class quickly and quietly like it was just another week without saying goodbye... and of course the regular stragglers who still had many questions to ask. I really hope that what I've done for my students this semester is enough.

Nervous to get my first TA evaluations.